This has been a lousy week for me. I found out on Monday that my contract wouldn't be renewed when it expires; leaving me only a couple of months to find a new job. I'm so disenhearted.

I love my job. It's everything I ever wanted to do rolled into one wonderful position surrounded by fabulous co-workers. There aren't words to describe how I feel right now. The rug has definitely been pulled out from under me because I was led to believe that this contract would be renewed. As it turns out it was a surprise to my boss that it wouldn't be renewed too. I suppose that is some consolation that he was blindsided like I was.

I loathe what is ahead of me. I'm so tired of job hunting, writing cover letters and resumes,
interviews and being scared that my ability to look after myself will be impaired. I'm tired of this uncertainty. I just want a solid job. I'm tired of having to do this again every year. I want a chance to grow into a job and grow from it. Why am I the only one I know that has problems finding permanent work?

I have heard every variation of the line "When one door closes another door opens" that I ever want to hear. The only comments that have so far made me feel better was one of my co-workers sent an e-mail that said "This news sucks." That is my sentiments exactly. I don't want solutions right now I just want people to listen and understand.

The hardest thing is that very few of my friends can understand what it is really like. They all have a safety net below them, I'm playing without one. What I mean by that is that they all have someone who would prop them up while they looked for a new job. I'm on my own. I'm the only one I have to lean on and there is no one who is going to pay the rent while I look for a new job.

It really sucks to be alone at a time like this. Although I think I've realized that even though I
have a zillion sympathetic friends that are making their presence known right now - I still feel
utterly alone in this. I just keep wondering what is going to happen to me. This elminates the road trip vacation I was going to take with friends this summer and it could potentially eliminate me going home again for a very long time including Christmas.

That makes me so sad. When stuff like this happens the first thing I think about is home. I just want to be home in my old bedroom where I'm safe. Right now I feel like I've been fed to the wolves.

The most frustrating part of this is that it isn't because of my job performance. I've gotten nothing but praise and respect from my colleagues and managers. No one can say enough good things about what I've done while I've been here. What hurts is that my performance doesn't matter in the least. I could be the best person in the world and it wouldn't have saved me.

Human cost is never a factor in important decisions. Money always trumps humanity.
Case in point - the building I live in will probably get torn down. Despite the determination of a
great many people who care about it and what it stands for. Instead the Manitoba Teachers Pension Fund along with some bloodsucking, money-hungry, crooked developer is going to build rows upon rows of disgusting cookie-cutter townhouses that are accessible only to the rich.

They don't care the building is historic. They don't care that there are seniors on fixed incomes
living there and have been for 25 years and can't afford anything else. They don't care that they are eliminating green space that the city already has too little of. They don't care that the surrounding neighbourhood can't sustain the increased density due to their proposed development. They don't care that the people on the street behind us will have houses with windows overlooking their backyards and blotting out the sun. They don't care that the building is a home to 161 families that provides them with a quality of life they cannot find elsewhere.

Essentially all the human elements are worthless and meaningless. It makes me violently ill to see how much the world values money over human life. The truth is I can probably afford another place and I could easily go elsewhere but the ladies in my building Cannot.

The almighty dollar is all that matters to heartless people like the developers. They have been
interviewed in articles and quoted as saying the buildings aren't historic and they are obsolete. They are only obsolete because they need them to be to justify what they are doing.

These buildings do not have a high turn-over. In fact, it's quite difficult to get a unit in them.
They are not underused nor are they under-appreciated. But the bottom line is that we are fighting on human ground and they are fighting on dollar signs. For some reason human is immediately trumped by money. It's vile and evil that they can just write people off. I wish I had a lot of money so that I could buy the building just to save it.

I wish there was a benevolent rich person out there who could save these tenants from the loss of their homes.